I’m not actually sure if what I’m seeing in front of me is real life. Does this sign on my desk honestly say… seven days until Christmas? One week?? When did this happen? I had so many plans, so many things I wanted to do to prepare throughout Advent. But then lab tests and doctor appointments (followed by more lab tests because they messed up my first ones) and ultrasounds and my beautiful baby shower happened, and now somehow Christmas is next week and I’ve accomplished… next to nothing? But better late than never, I did finally finish putting together a set of reflections I really wanted to focus on during this time. Though it follows the order of the Rosary, I won't (can't?) call it one because it involves “mysteries” (which I’ve just referred to as reflections in an attempt to not copy the Rosary) that I wrote myself. Instead, I’ve simply called it my Journey Through Advent with Mary. As a woman nearing the end of her pregnancy - just two months to go! - this is how I wanted to spend Advent: journeying through the Nativity story with Mary. You can pray this using Rosary beads. I had originally changed many things, but for the sake of making it easy to use and remember, I did end up keeping the same prayer structure (Apostles’ Creed, Our Father, Hail Mary, etc.) as would typically be prayed during the Rosary, though I do not say the Fatima Prayer or the Hail Holy Queen for this. The only real difference is the reflections I use in place of the traditional mysteries. They are written below, and if you keep scrolling you can download a printable set of them. Note: There is no replacement for the Rosary, I know. This is just something I wanted to try praying now that I am pregnant during Advent. I’m trying to use this time to draw closer to Mary, and this is helping me to do so. If you are also pregnant during this time I hope you’re able to get something out of it as well. FIRST REFLECTIONIn the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the house of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary. And coming to her, he said, “Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you.” But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. -- Luke 1:26 Though Mary was “greatly troubled” at the greeting from the angel Gabriel, we may feel greatly troubled upon learning of the life growing inside of us. Will we be good parents? Will the baby be healthy? Will I? These are only some of the anxieties that newly pregnant women may face. But in these moments we must keep the angel Gabriel’s words in mind: do not be afraid. God has given us this honor, and He will see us through it. Reflect upon how you first felt when you found out you were pregnant, and how Mary must have felt. SECOND REFLECTIONThe Mighty One has done great things for me, and Holy is His name. -- Luke 1:49 To be the one chosen to bring this specific life into the world, to be responsible for this precious soul, is a great honor bestowed upon us by God. He has truly done great things for us. Reflect upon your gratitude for this gift from the Lord, giving Him thanks. Just as Mary was specifically chosen to be the mother of Jesus, we have been specifically chosen to be the mothers of our children. THIRD REFLECTIONShe wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. -- Luke 2:7 Despite our greatest intentions and despite our well-thought out birth plans; our pregnancies, labors, and deliveries may not always go the way we had hoped. Still, just as God provided a safe space for the Holy Family in the stable when the inn was full, He will provide for us. We are in His care. Reflect upon the security of knowing that God is in control, that nothing happens that has not been seen by Him. FOURTH REFLECTIONAnd you yourself a sword will pierce. -- Luke 2:35 Though motherhood is filled with some of the greatest joys we will ever experience, it is not without its hardships. We cannot always protect our children from this world, and at times may see them suffer and struggle. Even Mary was not spared from this. Let us ask Mary for help in these difficult moments. FIFTH REFLECTIONThe child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him. -- Luke 2:40 Lord, we pray for healthy, strong children. Fill them with your love, and let us teach them how to grow in wisdom and love for You. Download printable reflections here:
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In late September at my 18-week pregnancy appointment I was told by one of my doctors that my thyroid numbers weren’t what they were supposed to be for pregnancy, and I would need to get them rechecked with another blood test. The scariest thing about this was that the blood test she was referring to was taken nearly two months prior, and this was the first time I had been informed of this, despite the fact that I had my 14-week appointment after the test results were in. Why no one had mentioned this to me in that two month period, I don't know. So there I was, with a potential thyroid problem, going on nearly two months undiagnosed. To make matters worse, the doctor didn’t actually tell me what this could mean for me, just that I would need another test. She was very obviously trying to spare me the anxiety, but I wasn't content with this lack of information. So I did what any idiot would do: I went home and Googled it. I read things like “second semester miscarriage.” I read things like “maternal heart failure.” And I had myself a wonderful little panic attack and was convinced that I, my baby, or both of us, could soon be dead. Was I being dramatic? I mean, yeah, probably. Still, this was a scary thing to read! I knew that there was nothing my doctors could do until I had that test again, which they wouldn’t let me get until two weeks later. My only hope, my only help, was going to have to be from Heaven. I spent the night writing a list of prayers, somewhat of a litany, to the saints I trusted would help me most. I share that list of saints here in case any pregnant woman reading this is looking for some friends to intercede for her, and also because they came through for me (at my 22-week appointment I found out that my second blood test came back okay) and I’d like to publicly honor and thank them, especially today on All Saints’ Day. SAINT RAPHAELSt. Raphael the Archangel has been my friend, maybe one of my best friends, for almost two years now. We go back to November 2017, just days after my wedding, when completely out of the blue I happened to notice that a mole on my arm had drastically changed from the last time I noticed it. I’ve had skin cancer before, and I was certain I had it again because I knew exactly what to look for. That night I pulled out my phone, opened the Laudate app, and searched for the prayer to Saint Peregrine: patron of cancer patients. I was anxious (which clearly seems to be a theme in my life, right?) and wanted to settle down a bit so I could pray more intently. So I set my phone down and made a cup of tea. When I turned my screen back on, the prayer to St. Peregrine that I had left on screen was now replaced with the prayer to St. Raphael. I tried swiping over, thinking I may have accidentally gone to the next prayer without noticing, but learned that that app doesn’t let you swipe between prayers. You have to close out, go back to the list, and tap on another title. Those two prayers weren’t right next to each other anyway, so it would have taken a few swipes to get from the prayer I left my screen on to the one I found on my screen when I returned. Though as I said, you can’t swipe through them. Is it possible that I accidentally did something else that took me from one prayer to the other? Absolutely. I’m not sure how I could have pulled it off from simply setting my phone down and picking it back up, but certainly anything is possible. After seeing that St. Raphael is the patron saint of healing (something I knew I would surely need), I decided to just go with it. It made sense to ask for his intercession. Maybe the prayer mix-up was even his way of reaching out to me, of letting me know he’d take care of this one. So he became a frequent intercessor for me, and I know I’ve already rambled enough here so I’ll just say that while I did end up having melanoma, it turned out much better than it could have. I trust St. Raphael’s intercession and I knew that if I called on him again, he would be there. SAINT ANTHONYSaint Anthony is another saint I have a history with; a history that goes back decades before I was even born. My grandmother has had a devotion to him since before she got married, which was in 1954, so you could say they’ve been friends a long time. Fast forward 35 years later to when my mother was pregnant with her first and only child -- me -- and facing the realization that I may not live. When she was eight months pregnant the doctors couldn’t find my heartbeat, and things weren’t looking optimistic. Enter my grandmother and her fervent devotion to Saint Anthony. I believe that it’s through his intercession that I’m here today, especially because of the fact that I was born two weeks early… I didn’t come into this world on my due date, I came into this world on St. Anthony’s feast day. Now I ask him to protect my baby in the womb just like he protected me. SAINT JOHN OF GODHeart disease is common in my family: my grandfather had it, my mother has heart problems, and even I have had to see a cardiologist several times. So when I read that one of the potential consequences of an undiagnosed thyroid problem is maternal heart failure, it scared me even more than it typically would. St. John of God is the patron of heart disease, which I now frequently ask for his protection against. SAINT GERARDAs the patron of expectant mothers, Saint Gerard Majella is probably already known to many pregnant women and needs no introduction or explanation. He is one of the saints whose intercession I have asked for long before this potential health issue came up, and one that I suggest any pregnant woman add to her list of intercessors. SAINT BLAISEThough I searched specifically for a patron saint of thyroid disorders, there was none to be found. But considering the thyroid’s close proximity to the throat, I knew St. Blaise - patron of throat disease - would cover me. He may not be a frequent intercessor for pregnant women, but praying for a healthy thyroid function can never hurt, given what the consequences of it could be. MARY & SAINT JOSEPHThe possibility of what could have happened if this was a true problem didn’t just hit me hard, it hit my husband hard as well. He tried to maintain a tough exterior, but I could tell he was afraid of anything happening to his wife or child. Saint Joseph protected Mary and Jesus, and so I asked for his intercession for my husband, that he would also be able to adequately protect and take care of me and our child, and for his strength. No matter what the reason, St. Joseph is a strong intercessor for anyone. I also asked for the intercession of Our Lady of Childbirth, because Mary is another that we can always depend on, who always wants us to go to her so that she may lead us to her Son. GUARDIAN ANGELSI asked not only my guardian angel, but also my baby’s guardian angel, for their presence, comfort, protection, and guidance during all of this. Forming a closer relationship with my guardian angel is something that’s been very important to me recently, and I’m always happy to talk to and lean on him as much as possible. There’s no better friend than someone who is with you always and specifically appointed to help you get through this life.
I ended my list of prayers by asking for the intercession of my grandfather and my husband’s grandparents, all of which I pray are in heaven. This list doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of incredible saints, but on this Holy Day I wanted to share the ones who have been there for me lately, getting me through one of the most rewarding but also certainly one of the most worrisome times of my life: pregnancy. I thank all of them for their intercession, and praise Jesus for hearing them and helping me. Who are your favorite intercessors, specifically during your pregnancy? With just four months until my due date, I’ve been hyper-focused on all things baby and motherhood, as I think most pregnant women would be. You can imagine my excitement one day while I was browsing Formed (aka the Catholic Netflix) and stumbled across a series called Motherhood Matters, because a Catholic perspective on how to tackle the issues surrounding motherhood is exactly the kind of preparation I’ve been hoping to find in these next several months. I thought it was interesting, though, that the very first episode really wasn’t about motherhood at all. It was about being a better spouse. It started to make so much sense to me as I watched: being a wife is, as they said in the episode, my primary vocation. Before my husband and I tackle parenthood together, we’ve got to have a solid foundation to our marriage. Our dynamic is about to change dramatically after the birth of our daughter; it’s going to be a stressful time, and we have to make sure we’re strong. The show suggested three key virtues needed for being a better spouse: kindness, humility, and mercy. I’ve been spending some time reflecting on these virtues, doing a self-inventory, so to speak, and identifying the areas in which I can improve. It’s been an eye-opening experience that I’m so glad to have taken. KINDNESSAs I listened to the host and guest talk about the importance of simply being kind, I was immediately reminded of something my husband said to me in the car last weekend. "Why are you so grumpy all the time?" I refrained from yelling out in frustration, “because I’m pregnant!” Growing a human isn’t easy. I don’t sleep. Body parts hurt that I didn’t even know I had. And I’ll be honest: I’m afraid of this whole labor and delivery thing, and it’s been causing me a great deal of anxiety that I haven’t felt comfortable talking about. To anyone. In my defense, with all of these changing hormones, sometimes my “grumpiness” isn’t entirely something I have a lot of control over, or something I even notice.
Still, whether it was the sun, the game, or any of the other things I mentioned, there was one thing that wasn’t the cause of my frustration that day: my husband. But being the only other one in the car with me, he was the natural recipient of all of these feelings coming to the surface. And that’s not fair, is it? After being married for a while you sometimes start to take each other for granted. I’m guilty of letting other things in my life dictate my mood toward my husband, and I need to work on talking to him about how I’m feeling instead of projecting it all onto him. Sharing, not blaming. Just simply being kind. There’s a lot on my shoulders right now, and I don’t think he realizes that, but how is he supposed to know if I don’t tell him? One of my favorite points that this Motherhood Matters episode made is that kindness is reciprocal. Your spouse will respond to you based on the way you treat them. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain by increasing in this virtue. HUMILITYI’ll be honest… the past struggle I’ve had with humility isn’t necessarily in how to live it, but in truly understanding it. What does it mean to be humble? In my (possibly naive and definitely incorrect) understanding, I always took it to mean lowering yourself, looking down on yourself. Maybe not even having a lot of self-worth so as not to risk feeling overly important.In reality, you don’t have to lower yourself down, you just can’t lift yourself up higher than you deserve. From Catholic Culture, humility is a virtue that keeps a person from reaching beyond himself. A virtue that “restrains unruly desire for personal greatness.” As Motherhood Matters put it, we are not God. Nor are we higher than anyone else, so there’s no place in our marriage (or our lives!) for acting like we are. It can also be helpful to not just focus on being humble, but also on trying to avoid the opposite of it: pride. How do we practice this in marriage? One of the points that Motherhood Matters makes is that when we do things for our spouse or around the house, we shouldn’t do them expecting a thank you in response. We aren’t after recognition. Rather, we offer all of our tasks to Jesus Another thing that can be humbling in a marriage is to acknowledge that your spouse doesn’t exist for the sole purpose of making you happy. My husband doesn’t exist to fulfill me. Only God fulfills us. I’m becoming more aware of the need for independence in my life. I’ve often felt like a side character in my husband’s life instead of a main character in my own, so when another character enters the mix in February, it’s more important than ever that I know who I am and what (or, rather, Who) fulfills me as a person. MERCYI can honestly say that this is one area that my husband excels in. I can also honestly say that this is one area that I do not excel in. This isn’t to say he doesn’t get angry with me, but he doesn’t stay angry with me. He’s one of those that just doesn’t go to bed angry, while I’ve been guilty of pretending to be asleep on more than one occasion just so I wouldn’t have to say goodnight. (It’s awful, I know.)
But one really important thing that I’ve taken from this episode of Motherhood Matters, maybe even the most important thing I’ve taken from it, is this: we’ve got to see our spouse through Jesus’ eyes. There’s no better example of mercy, no better person whose lead we should follow when it comes to how we treat others. No better model of patience and forgiveness. And those two things (patience and forgiveness) are possibly some of the absolute most important qualities you could have in a successful marriage because they carry right over into parenthood as well. Learning more about God and all of His qualities is essential because it’ll show us exactly who we are supposed to be, what our qualities should be, and how we should be treating people. He is the map. He is the blueprint for life. It’s easy to look back on everything written here and feel bad about myself, about my flaws as a wife, about the long list of things that I’ll be working to improve upon in these coming months. But another thing I took from Motherhood Matters is that being aware of these flaws is a gift. It’s a gift to be able to identify these less-than-perfect things about ourselves because it gives us the opportunity to grow. Without taking a look at ourselves under this microscope, without taking the time to make a really thorough self-examination, we may continue to carry on living on autopilot, never making the effort to truly grow in virtue. It may not be easy or fun, but take some time to check in with yourself. Identify what you do well. Identify what virtues you can grow in. And know that if you feel a little lost along the way, God has already laid the blueprint out for you. How has becoming a better spouse helped you to become a better parent? Generally speaking, taking six months to conceive is basically no time at all. There are couples that struggle for years, and I don’t take for granted the fact that it took my husband and I a fraction of that time. Still, knowing that we weren’t getting any younger, and having already waited so long for this (we’ve been together almost 13 years), I can’t downplay the disappointment that came with each month of negative pregnancy tests. Those stark white, empty circles that I stared at from every angle, under every possible lighting. My husband and I had decided during the summer of 2018 that 2019 would be the year we started trying to have a baby. We knew that it would never financially be the “right” time, but we were better off than when we first married, and we knew that we could responsibly bring a child into the world with what we were working with. So I started asking Jesus to bless us with a child, but only if it was His will, and only when it was His timing. Not when we wanted it to happen, but when He wanted it to. Because He knows better than we do, and I trusted that. January through May were unsuccessful, and even through the disappointment I reminded myself of my constant prayer and took solace in the fact that it clearly just wasn’t His time for us. Still, I wanted to take that prayer a step further. And I’ll be honest, maybe my reasoning wasn’t the most important one, but it was important to us: I knew that if we conceived the following month, the baby would be born in February. February has always been a special month for my husband and I. It’s our favorite for reasons that are irrelevant to list here, but nonetheless, we held out hope that once again February would prove to be special for us. My husband even said it himself once I presented him with May’s negative test, “maybe everything is pointing to February.” Knowing that a February baby would be so meaningful to us, we both started to say the Novena for Couples Hoping to Conceive via praymorenovenas.com. We had hope, but still knew in the back of our mind that His timing would always take precedence over our timing. Luckily, we were all on the same page. On June 9th I found out that I was pregnant, and that my due date was the same day that my husband and I started dating almost 13 years ago (one of the reasons for our love of February). Sometimes God answers prayers. Sometimes He answers them in a huge way. And for us, this due date was huge. It was our sign that this baby was a direct answer to our prayers, picked just for us, just at this time. Are novenas some kind of magic answer to our petitions? No, of course not. But they help us persevere in prayer as we spend these nine-day periods with a deep focus on what’s in our hearts. It’s our Upper Room; our version of where the Apostles remained in prayer during the nine days between the Ascension and Pentecost. Novenas have been a source of great blessings for me. Not only this particular one, but on two other occasions I’ve received clear, nearly immediate answers. From a novena to Our Lady of Loreto which found us our home in the most coincidental way ever just two days after the novena’s end, to a Christmas novena to St. Andrew that repaired a seven-year-long issue in two months, I’ve been blessed and am so grateful, but I know that is isn’t always going to turn out that way. That’s why we pray first and foremost for God’s will to come before ours. Always. Still, there is so much to gain from novenas even when they aren’t answered the way we hoped for. The Novena for Couples Trying to Conceive can be found here. If you’re like me and prefer a paper to read from, I’ve put it together in one simple page that you can download and print below. The purple sections are what you begin and end with, with the daily changes in the middle. Please share your favorite novenas with me in the comments; I love to hear all the ways in which God works in people’s lives. And for all of the couples hoping to conceive, I pray that you’ll get your miracle at the perfect time. Download here:
Hi, My name is Christine and… I’ve never done this before.
I’ve never grown a life inside of me. I’ve never spent evenings on my hands and knees trying to assemble a crib, a dresser, a stroller, etc. I’ve never had quite so many sleepless nights. I’ve never raised a child in this society, this ever-changing world that we live in (but are not of). My daughter is still safely cradled in my womb, growing every day, alerting me of her presence with her little somersaults. But one day, in four short months, she’ll be here. On the outside. And when that happens, my husband and I have the task and honor of bringing her up in the Catholic faith that’s so important to us, while also bringing her up in a world that is less and less reflective of that faith every day. And I’ll be honest: Sometimes that worries me. Who she becomes as a person, as a Catholic, falls on us. Last weekend at Mass, our priest gave a homily on the declining number of “millenials” in church today. He told us of a conversation he had with a woman in that age group (which I also fall under) who explained to him that people just don’t want to follow the rules. And she’s not wrong. Many of my friends and acquaintances who grew up Catholic and are no longer practicing have left the Church because it just isn’t convenient for them. It doesn’t let them live the way that they want to live. They don’t want to follow the rules. But as my husband pointed out to me after Mass, the priest needs to take a wider look at the situation. In a lot of cases, the reason for these people’s lack of regard for the “rules” is the fact that they were never taught the value of them by their parents. And after thinking about it for a while, I realized that he’s not necessarily wrong. I thought of all of the people I knew who left the faith. With the exception of just one of them, they don’t have devout parents. They put their kids in CCD years ago as some kind of obligation, but never attended Mass with them, and to this day still don’t go to Mass. It wasn’t a part of their daily lives; it wasn’t a part of their home. On the flip side, I thought of all the people my age who are practicing Catholics. These are people whose parents I still see in the pews. People whose parents I know to value their faith as more than just a cultural thing. (Note: I do know that this isn’t everyone’s experience. There are, of course, devout parents with children who have left the faith. And devout children with parents who don’t share their faith. I’m only speaking of the people I know personally in my life.) Right as the priest mentioned this topic in his homily, I felt the baby kick. I smiled and internally said to her, “You heard that? You’re going to follow the rules.” But it’s on me to make sure she finds the value in them. That she understands why we believe what we do while the rest of the world tells us we’re wrong. So thank you for being here, for joining me on this journey, for hopefully sticking around as I navigate my way through trying to figure all this out. If you’re an experienced mother, I welcome your shared experiences, your advice, your stories, and I hope that one day I’ll have my own to return back to you. If you’re a new mom or mom-to-be like me, let’s do this together. With the Holy Spirit leading us, we’ve got this. |
AuthorCatholic. Wife. New Mama. Trying to figure all of this out one step at a time. Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
-Proverbs 127:3-5 Archives
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